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Jillian Shea Spaeder: Feeling Unconditional

Jillian Shea Spaeder: Feeling Unconditional

Everything outside of us is a projection of our state of being within us. Since we can shift anything within ourselves, we can change any experience without us. When we look outside of ourselves for external validation, we are disempowering ourselves because we don’t have any control over other people’s perceptions of life. However, we do have control of how we feel about ourselves at any given moment. What other people think about us is none of our business. But what we think about other people thinking about us is an opportunity to be aware and transmute it into becoming the version of ourselves we want to experience. The benefit of everything we perceive externally is that when we receive it as information about who we are currently being, then we can do something about it if we want to.

Artist Jillian Shea Spaeder, who is an actress, producer and singer-songwriter, says, “I’ve spent a lot of my life judging myself based on who I am on the outside. Recently, I’ve figured out that my favorite part about myself is my intelligence, which is funny because we all tend to feel weird about complimenting ourselves in ways like that. I’m funny and smart, and that might feel awkward to say. But also, it’s so important to recognize those things about yourself. Because when you can see those as the better part of you, instead of your outward appearance, it feels more unconditional.”

Our mind is design keep us safe; it wants us to be in the known, because the unknown might be scarier than what it is now. Aside from so many different tools, such as meditation to soften our inner chatter, we also can reassure our mind that we are safe to experience something new.

Regarding the short film The Noise inspired on her own experience, which Jillian wrote, produced and stars in, the artists shares, “I created the film The Noise while I was going through a rough time with my mental health. And I was looking for things in the media that I could relate to about eating disorders. Everything I could find was outward; it was about people’s bodies and weight. Nobody talked about the internal struggles or the isolation that they cause. So, I wanted to create a film that takes away the body aspect and focuses on the mental part of eating disorders because that’s 95% of it.”

The state of being of any judgment comes from the perception of a lack of safety for oneself. Sometimes, we feel shame—unsafe about how others perceive us. When the perception of unsafety arises, it means that we are operating in a survival mode. To shift this, we remind ourselves that we are breathing, alive, fed, safe, and sound so we can acknowledge that all our survival necessities are taken care of. Once we do that, we can sense a release; we become more neutral and now ready to give our attention in the direction of our preferred state of being.

“Everyone needs to do what’s right for them as long as it’s healthy. I can’t speak to anyone else, but in my experience, I don’t like any dieting. It’s never a good thing for me. I wouldn’t say I like that. I am at my healthiest when I eat what I want and exercise when I want. Recovery is a rocky road. But once you put in the work, you can get to a place where you’re not living inside that chatter anymore. And I worked very hard at it for a long time. So now I’m in a place where I am separated from it, and it’s great. I’m eating lots of food and doing lots of therapy,” says Jillian.

Everything we experience in our life is in relation to something, including food. Whatever we eat at any given moment will have a different affect in our bodies based on how we feel in relation to the process of eating food. When we are in joy, anything we do we perceive as wonderful, and if we are in fear, everything we do will be experienced in correspondence to that state of being. Perhaps, the best relationship with food starts with accepting and falling in love with our body the way it is. And since we can shape and transform our body based on a moment-by-moment preference, then we can always sense what would our body now needs to be in harmony and balance.

About the standards of how people must look within the entertainment industry, Jillian says, “I think because there are generally a lot of standards and the industry is very focused on the way people look, it makes everyone hyper-aware of how they look and puts too much pressure on the way people look. It’s a combination of everyone and then also the self.”

Whenever we feel disappointment about ourselves, it indicates we are pointing our focus in the opposite direction of who we are—the life force embodied in physical form innately worthy—that’s how important every single one of us is. Since we are alive, Everything That Exists wouldn’t be whole without us. Nobody can influence the way we see and experience ourselves, unless we allow to be influenced by what we observe externally.

Photography // Grace Wethor

“My music has evolved a lot since I started. I am working with one person right now. We write all my songs together, and he produces all of them. So, it has a very different and specific sound. A lot of it touches on broken relationships and the whole topic of body positivity. It’s cool. My album comes up May 17th, 2024. Whatever the song’s vibe, it is generally how I feel that day. The song I am resonating with the most is probably XY, as I’m feeling it so much,” candidly shares Jillian.

The most important relationship one could foster is the relationship with oneself. What can be more inclusive than accepting the whole of us? By doing so, we are keener to accept and include others. Waiting for others to accept us is a hit-or-miss experience, but when we include ourselves regardless of others, we don’t need anyone to validate us.

Jillian identifies as pansexual and as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, she says about inclusivity that: “It starts with including people, giving people equal opportunities, and ensuring we represent all communities in the media, TV, and movies. If we make the TV and movie world more inclusive, hopefully, the real world will replicate that. And it’s also staying involved in politics and making sure we’re voting for the right people, doing what we can in public, signing petitions, and helping everyone out.”

There is a difference in helping someone from the perspective of saving them, as we are taking their power away. But when we serve others from the standpoint of self-empowering them as a starting point for them to pave their own road towards thriving, we invite them to reach their full potential.

Passionate about helping others, Jillian is suggesting about how we can serve others: “Helping in any way you can, like if you have the money to support that’s always nice, but also talking about it and spreading the word. You can go and help out and volunteer for many of these companies.”

When we have a desire and allow ourselves to relax into the knowing of its unfolding, we are closing the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Trying to control all the steps ahead of us is pushing our desires away. When we are clear about what we want to experience, we ask ourselves, what’s next? Then we open ourselves to discover each step, moment by moment, like gift boxes, enjoying our desire’s becoming to its fullest.

“My biggest desire right now is to have a really good work. It would be nice to get the acting industry back up and running because that’s been slow since all the strikes. Particularly, I would love to be part of a drama,” Jillian shares about her current desire.

Being kind or the opposite is always first and foremost experienced by ourselves. Does it feel naturally good to be kind? Yes, because that’s our nature; we are lovers and here to be love.

“I think the most in others is kindness. I like nice people. I think that’s pretty cool. My favorite thing about myself is that I will make mistakes like anyone, but I’m good at figuring it out, improving it, and learning. And love, to me, is being around people who make you happy and joyful and with whom you can also have rough moments. Love, it’s the language of the world,” concludes Jillian.

Like Jillian, are you dwelling on your mistakes or squeezing the benefits of your experiences by learning from them and knowing more of who you are—love?


Photography // Grace Wethor

Connect with Jullian on // Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok 

Music // Spotify | Apple Music | YouTube

Website //

Watch the short film The Noise

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