When we are unaware that we are more than our thoughts, emotions, body, and mind, we might identify only with our physicality. Every physical aspect of who we are is perfectly and intentionally designed, allowing us to create, express, and experience life. Yet when we finally relax and soften our physical focus, we can experience our physical faculties from a little bit of a distance, thereby naturally raising the awareness of our God-like perspective.
Artist Micaela Wittman, who starred in and along with her partner Arthur De Larroche, co-wrote, and co-produced two feature films, Clairevoyant and most recently Remy & Arletta, reflects and describes her essence: “I have talked to Arthur before about how I have a hard time identifying with a lot of the things that happened in my life. They do feel like labels, like this happened to me when I was five, or that happened to me when I was ten. It always feels like I’m talking about someone else.” Micaela pauses briefly and goes on, “I think of words like passionate and strong, but then I had a gut reaction where I was like, you can’t say those things about yourself. They’re too good.”
The innate knowing that we are both human and also divine is engraved in every particle of the universe. When we are babies, we possess a keener awareness to recall that fact and trust our gut because there is less distraction from the self-imposed “shoulds” and “hows” we pick from our environment as we grow. But we truly can never fully forget who we are, as we are always connected to that which is often referred as God, Source, Universe, or Divine.
Arthur De Larroche, also an artist and filmmaker, recognizes his innate intuitive guidance. “When I was four, I saw the Oscars for the first time, but I didn’t have any concept of what movies were. I just knew I wanted to be a part of it. That’s the thing I like about me the most: I have this objective knowledge of what’s truthful and what’s good. I don’t know how I got it or if I can unlearn it. As I grew older, I would find myself knowing the inherent truth of any given situation I was in and instinctively know what to do, how to deal with it. But I started to believe that was arrogance, pride. That these instincts were character flaws, and it took me years to loop back around and realize that no, that kid was right. I could have avoided a ton of hardship If I had followed those weird instincts that I believed I had no right to have, because I had no experience whatsoever with the real world. But that knowledge was in me already.”
Everything and everyone around us are a reflection of us. This can be recognized especially in relationships that have the most consistent attention to each other: friends, parents, kids, and of course, life partners. Any mirror reflection from others, whether it is considered positive or negative, it always has value for us. Without relationships, we wouldn’t have any feedback, and without feedback we wouldn’t be able to expand. The most satisfying co-creation comes from any partnerships that inspire us to look within to discover new and exciting angles of our life’s expression.
Micaela goes on: “I didn’t want to date anyone in the film industry. I didn’t care. I thought, if anything, it would be good to have distance from that. Then once we started dating, it wasn’t planned that we were going to work together. We resisted it because I guess we didn’t want to be vulnerable in that way yet. Two months into dating, we started working together. But in our minds, it feels like so much longer because I just remember pushing it away. At the time I didn’t think that I was a writer or a filmmaker, I was just focused on acting, caught up in the daily grind of auditioning and rejection. I didn’t think that I could do more. So, when Arthur came to me as a filmmaker, I rejected that life because I didn’t think that I would be good at that. But it started happening. And Arthur is the best writing partner I’ve ever had. It’s never been so easy.”
Then Arthur adds, “I mean, it was a no brainer. You have to take comfort in the fact that you must be doing the right thing and that the universe has your back. We used Tinder which essentially gave us an infinite possibility of never ever meeting one another ever, but in that quantum chaos, luck or destiny guided the algorithm to bring us together. How did that work? But it did.”
Any artistic expression is healing; it’s an opportunity to rewrite our own story the way we want it—and then to let go of the old, which in turn is also creating a new past. To take the reins of your creation process means knowing what you want and then moving in the direction of what excites us the most trusting that in the process of creating from love and abundance. From this place, all can be satisfying and fulfilling.
Micaela shares the healing process of creating Clairevoyant and Remy & Arletta, “Long story short: I was not creating; I really was absolutely rotting away before. I was so depressed. I did not feel fulfilled in the slightest. I was auditioning and screaming into the void, trying to show I am good, hoping that someone can see it. And I think it’s impossible to live your life that way. It’s not even humane. So, for me deciding to make these films was a life raft. And I did it for a lot of reasons; they’re both such different films. But I think also connecting with the audience, for me, is a big part of what makes me love doing this so much. If I was just doing shadow puppets on the wall, I don’t think it would be as fun. I like that we get to make something and put our heart and soul into it, and then other people can see it and say, “That reminds me of something I went through,” and it can serve as a mirror.
The intention—and therefore the energy we infuse into anything we create—will directly reflect to us from anyone who observes it. Any book that has ever been and ever will be written is also created by anyone who is reading it. As from the vibrational, spiritual perspective, the audience is on a quest to experience that which the author has to offer. If there is an inspired idea to create something, then there are people who are in on the creation of that idea through their asking, too.
About the feedback Clairevoyant and Remy & Arletta received from the audience, Arthur says, “The audience does respond to us very well, they’re very fair and really kind. We also had to do it for ourselves, because for me it is the biggest veneration of my own inner life. So, the thing about the audience is that the audience is the biggest tribe on Earth, it’s the closest thing probably to the collective unconscious physicalizing that we’re ever going to get. They don’t have any personal hang ups or any projections on you. And they’re able to like you fully. So, you are being liked or disliked on a spiritual level.”
Micaela shares her love for the audience, saying “In Clairevoyant, there’s a particularly long 12-minute scene that we wanted to cut down to three–four minutes, and then we decided to keep in all 12 minutes because it was just us. It was so us and so punk rock and so hard to get through. And it’s nice whenever you read reviews on letterbox, and people say that’s their favorite scene in the film. Something that you made for yourself and no one else is everybody’s favorite scene. We laughed so much! It really made me feel good about myself. I used to think I was abnormal, or something. But then you meet the audience. And they tell you no, man, me too.”
Comparison and judging are necessary to make our preferences. But sometimes, we might become far too immersed in the comparison of our own worth, which is impossible and innately incomparable to anything and anyone. There is no one that can experience what we want the way we are uniquely creating and expressing it. With every asking, the entire Universe reconfigures and expands. And if there is infinite expansion, and there is, then there is infinite asking and receiving for everyone.
“We might be tired, but satisfied. There was a period of my life very recently where I was having mental breakdowns once a month because I saw someone else’s life, and I wanted that to be my life. And I just couldn’t stand the fact that I didn’t have what they had. I’ve sobbed in public so many times, just sitting, crying and being like, ‘Why is my life not where I want it to be? Why? Why have I been doing this for so long, and I don’t have anything to show for it.’ It’s been a long journey. I’ve retread this pain time and time again until I got to this place where I’m happy with what I’ve created. And I don’t have to feel like I’m missing out just because I haven’t been on a certain show, or I haven’t acted with a certain actor. I think everyone’s life is on their own timeline. And you’re never too early or too late. And doing this has given me such a profound trust of the universe, and of its timing. And I’ve just, I’ve learned to trust that my path is for me, and I wouldn’t want anyone else’s path now,” says Micaela.
Arthur shares his point of view on this act of comparing: “Comparison helped me. Comparison helped me because it made me so angry, so jealous that I had no choice but to succeed. I think every filmmaker starts their journey by watching a film they don’t like very much. And then they go, ‘I could have done that better than they did.’ That’s where it starts for a lot of people. The problem is you have to go through tremendous hardship to get to a point where the comparison doesn’t hurt, and actually helps you succeed. It took me forever to get there. But I’m glad I never gave up on it. There was a period where I gave up on the comparison and on reaching and on climbing. And that was low. I stopped making movies. I was like, ‘I can’t do this anymore, I suck.’ But I blindly went forward. And I convinced myself to keep going. It’s a balance. The comparison can be good. It’s natural. I think there’s nothing wrong with it because it is what a lot of people do to start, you know, the comparison makes them begin the process.”
Actors explore through the characters they portray different layers and angles of themselves, too. Even when actors play their past-selves, the current-self is not the same. Therefore, they are not only mastering the specifics of the character they are playing, but there is also a necessary process by which they transition from being someone else and return to their current reality. About the process of becoming in and out of the character Remy, Micaela says, “To be honest, I was a little bit excited to step away from being Remy because I realized at the end of the shoot that Remy sat in a very insecure place within me because she’s very young, and she’s going through so much. So I was really insecure for a lot of the shoot. And I think I was projecting a lot of Remy’s feelings onto myself. So the second I was done, I really felt a little bit of relief, because I was like, ‘Oh, that that was Remy coming through me. She’s insecure. She hates herself.’ And hopefully, that comes across in the finished product. But it was nice for me to step outside of it. And to kind of let that go.
“I’m really excited for people to see it. If I may say so myself, it’s a really honest movie. And I think some parts are almost difficult to watch. A lot of it is ripped from my real life without being sanitized. And I think it’s kind of hard to see those intense abuse scenes. It’s not even out yet, but I just have a good feeling that people are going to respond really well to it. If they went through something like this, it shows that you can come out on the other side of it and be okay. We make films to connect with people, so I’m excited for something that was one of the most brutal times in my life to be put out there. I want people to see that and feel like they’re not alone. That’s one of my dreams. So, I’m really excited.”
Like the fluffy clouds made of tiny droplets that eventually become rain that can solidify as ice, we create from a thin thought form, which, by feeding it with our attention, eventually manifests as a solid reality. And like all of us, Micaela and Arthur want to stretch their ability to recognize their infinite potential to experience the life they consider is best for them.
About his current highest excitement, Arthur passionately says, “I’d like to film to enter the cultural zeitgeist properly. I’d like the film to inhabit a space within people’s minds and hearts, where they feel like this is a continuation of a feeling that they had as a child, that they’ve missed for years, where it feels like this is a revitalization. At least in a small, tiny little way. Maybe the film will have its own pop culture moment, whether that means Oscars or the Indie Spirit Awards, or Gotham Awards, I don’t know. But I just want the movie to really get stuck in people; to help them make that next day at work easier, or going back home to see their family, or anything else easier. To sort of light a fire under people culturally, even if the fire is very small. I just want it to really resonate. And I’m sure it will have the chance to do so.”
“That was a fantastic, heartfelt answer. I’ll cover the more superficial answer. I mean, I second that, of course. But I’d also like to cinch a theatrical release, and I want tons of people to see it. I want to make money. I want to make money for the first time. That’d be great,” shares Micaela about honoring her desires.
Like Micaela and Arthur, are you taking your own empowerment into your hands, honoring your purest desires, and therefore honoring who you are?